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Being the Heartless. Chapter 3
20.05.2011 21:44
Автор: Gatita
I became confident. And I started to plan a revenge. I wished I could make him suffer. I wanted to see my ex on his knees.My body was almost perfect, my mind was clear, i knew what to do! I didn't even wanna think that he can just be wrong person to me! I wanted him to regret. Oh, the sweetest taste of revenge, i like it. 
Since i realized that there is no love between genders, i began to search for a mask to myself. It was difficult i should say! I couldn't choose between "sweet-doll" and "cold-perfect-lady". Both was so sweet and sexy. So i decided to use both of them from time to time. I bought more sexy clothes for my new style. That was awesome. I felt the difference. On the streets i saw how guys looked at me. They wanted me.. but they couldn't have. I was almost perfect. Why almost? Coz nobody can be perfect. Everybody knows it. But if you think that you're perfect, I hasten to please, you're overconfident!!! 
Because i had no opportunity to see my ex, we are living in different time zones, i tried to talk to the girl, who was living in one city with him... and to his roommate.He saw me happy... but we didn't talk. Actually in several months i began to forget that he was in my life. I was hanging up with my friends. I had a lot to do at my college. Hah, i hate papers and essays. 
One day a guy wrote me on Classmates. Some kinda: Morning, princess, what fairytale are you from.
He looked like a chav. And i was in good mood, so i decided to tease him a lil bit.  
I answered: this is a fairytale named 'Life'. 
He answered smth like: No, It can't be... you are from my fairytale.
That was awful. His words were so banal. 
When he asked to show me his fairytale, i said that i'm busy for today. On the next question about what i'm doing today, i answered that today another prince is showing me his fairy tale called "I'm childish, but think that i'm macho". That was rude... but right... for me. Coz i'm heartless. I can't love anybody by definition, oh... except my mom and myself. 
I met a guy at the college one day. He was cute. he was so happy looking at me. He asked for a date. I agreed. I thought that this is the right moment for me  to build a relationship... next day we met in the park. We were walking and talking. I understand: poor student. And actually i'm not a monster who needs only moola. So that was ok for me, hanging up in the park. He was talking about his family, about sports, about himself. I was silent, i didn't feel comfortable, but i liked him, he was cute. He saw me home. He's really cute. I didn't wanna play with him. I came home and in twenty minutes i got a text message through ICQ, he was missing me already... how cute. Late night i went to bed. I was in good mood, i didn't feel he was special, i felt nothing, but at the same time... it was cold interest in spending my time. 
I woke up  from the nightmare in a cold sweat. It was like reality. I saw myself being with this cute guy, but i felt myself unhappy, upset, i felt monotony, beaten path, i felt myself bored and tired from all of this. I was like a bird in the golden cage. Golden, because, it was stability, relationship, but i didn't need all of it, I wasn't free. I lost the feeling i just gained.  I understand that he's not so cute, and i'm not created for the rutine.We are too different to be together. He's not my Mr. Right. I've decided not to go to the cinema as we planned yesterday. But my friend convinced me to go and have fun. Nothing came out of it, it wasn't fun. I looked gorgeous, he looked even not cute that moment. During the movie, he tried to grab me into his arms, or hug me, and he kissed my hand all the time. I smiled in reply, but i felt like i was in the wrong box, actually not... i was in cage, wrong golden cage. Somebody, set me free! I couldn't offer him anything, i just didn't want to. The rest of that day was a big torture for me. I tried to be kind, I felt myself a queen, and he was a page. And it doesn't benefit  for the Queen to have any relationships with a page. I explained him, that we are too different to be together.  So i went home with a feeling that i'm free again.
 

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